Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Blog humor’

TFM Removals created a fun and humorous list of 25 signs that you’re a new homeowner.

They shared some of that humor with us today in a little excerpt from their list.

If you’re a new homeowner or thinking about moving, check this out for a laugh or two:

 

 

  • You are permanently wearing “eau de emulsion”

    You are permanently wearing eau de emulsion

    Image source

    You can’t seem to shake the smell of paint, your whole new pad smells of it and now you do too. Forget about Chanel No. 5, for the next 2 weeks you’ll be rocking Dulux Sunset Apricot.

 

Pop on over to their website for the entire list!

 

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

kim in magazine

This is my brother.

(The mechanically inclined one, not the cowboy one.)

I was born his senior year of high school, so talk about crashing the party…

He has always had a love of cars and began restoring vintage cars way back  before I was old enough to beg him to let me drive his Mustang (which he still has not).

Anyway, he got into dressing the part to go along with the cars he was showing.

Last fall, he competed in a contest for best Era Image and took third place. I thought his costume looked pretty snazzy and we were all excited to see this picture in print.

Although he never let me drive any of his cars, he did let me go with him a time or two.

Kim and I with old carOf course, costumes were required.

The reason I look so particularly happy in this photo is because:

1. It was mid-July and boiling hot.

2. We skipped lunch.

3. I had a hot date that night with Captain Cavedweller and we were running late.

My brother completely restored the gorgeous Model A car behind us. I think the etched glass (and the color) are my two favorite things about it.

Big, hearty congratulations, Kim, for placing in the contest and thanks for all the times over the years you let me tag along.

She Who Still Wants to Drive the Mustang

 

 

Read Full Post »

blue jelloThe madness all started with blue Jell-O.

Well, blue Jell-O with whipped topping mixed in, to be exact.

I saw this photo on Pinterest the other day. Someone wrote a description about how it would be the perfect dessert for an Airplane Party.

Okay. I get their basic thought about the clouds and blue sky, but seriously – what airline do they fly?

My idea of an airplane themed party would go something like this:baording passInstead of invitations, send a boarding pass. Make sure it states the boarding pass must be presented for entry and the gate (door) closes at a very specific time.

security guard

The day of your party, guests will arrive to find a large, scary-looking man at the end of your sidewalk demanding they remove their shoes, jewelry, wallets, cell phones, and empty their pockets and purses into plastic buckets, after making sure they have their boarding pass in hand. You can enlist your kids to carry the buckets inside the house and place them randomly in one room. Make sure your kids confiscate all food and beverages. If you want to make the party even more fun, have the kids knock over one or two buckets, ensuring the contents combine.

Once guests have surrendered all their personal belongings, line them up like criminal suspects outside your door where a second large, scary-looking man waves a metal detector over each one to make sure they aren’t fibbing about those empty pockets. He must also ask to see those boarding passes. Should anyone try to sneak through without one, they will be dragged back to their car and ordered to leave immediately. Make this ritual of boarding the plane even more fun by telling the scary man to work at the pace of a snail heavily medicated with sleeping pills. Oh, and you could also turn on the sprinkler by the door to liven things up, should anyone begin to look bored.

If and when the guests make it inside the house and actually find their shoes and valuables, escort them to a room where you have uncomfortable plastic chairs placed in two rows, back to back, not conducive to friendly conversations or idle chit-chat. Let your guests know the party will definitely start on time and to enjoy the wait.

Since you’ve had your kiddos appropriate all snacks and beverages from the guests’ personal belongings, let junior make a few bucks for one of his school projects by offering a handful of prepacked snacks and bottled drinks available for sale at extortionist pricing.

At whatever time you’ve printed on the boarding pass that the gates will close, lock all the doors to your house and close the blinds. If people you invited aren’t already inside, they didn’t really want to come. And the friend banging on the door with some excuse about having a flat-tire – just leave them standing outside, getting soaked by the sprinkler. There is no excuse for being late. Once gate is closed, it is closed.

Every fifteen to twenty minutes, announce to your guests that the party will begin soon, right on time. If anyone complains about the party being late to start, let them know that the gate had to close at least an hour before the party was ever planned to begin.

Once they’ve grown restless and despondent, announce that you are ready to begin seating for the party. Have those surly-faced guys from out front stand at the doorway to your dining room and enforce the seating chart you’ve so carefully arranged. The guests must once again present those boarding passes to be seated.

It is vital to the authenticity of your party to make sure you have at least five more chairs wedged around your dining room table than space could possibly accommodate. If there is any way to make sure at least one tiny person is nearly smothered between two larger people, you earn double hostess points.

As your guests look around the empty table, allow your kids to serve the meal – a choice of packaged peanuts, crackers, and bottled water, juice, or soda in the little 12-ounce sizes. If your guests would like anything resembling a meal or any other type of beverage, they will have to pay accordingly.

At intermittent moments, have your kids walk by with plastic ball bat and hit random guests on the elbow. This make certain they get that whole “seated on the aisle” experience.

After an hour of being trapped at the table, have those big scary guys rock the  chairs the guests are seated in around a bit. You want to give them a little turbulence before the evening is through.

When you announce the party has ended, smile graciously and encourage everyone to come back again soon as they run, not walk, out the door.

Glance out the window and wave as they all stand around, trying to find their car keys. Consider it lost luggage.

Your kids can take out the pile of keys they collected earlier and dump them on the sidewalk. Make sure the scary guys pull your offspring back to safety before the free-for-all begins.

Pat yourself on the back for a great airplane party experience.

***

And that is how I envision an Airplane Party.

She Who Would Never Really Host A Party Like This (or ever, ever recommend it)

Read Full Post »

The other day I received a catalog in the mail that seriously made me laugh.

It claimed to be the number one source of western fashion. I’ll admit it had a really nice cover.

But then I looked inside.

And laughed.

Then laughed some more.

I grew up in the country around ranch and farm women. I know a lot of country girls and I don’t think a single one of them would be caught dead or alive wearing…

western fashion feather boot topsFeather boot toppers.

It looks like something crawled in their boots and died there.

western fashion fanny packHow about a “fashion” fanny pack that slips right on your belt?

western fashion denim gauchosDenim gauchos, anyone?

I’m sure it’s what all the best-dressed cowgirls will be wearing this fall… or not.

western fashion purple mocsMaybe some bright purple moccasins. With fringe. And silver conchos.

western fashion tshirt

Or beaded and fringed T-shirts.

western fashion fur vestAnd my personal favorite – a faux fur vest that looks like you found some good road kill.

If you’re looking for “western” fashion, I think you might want to look elsewhere.

She Who Won’t Be Wearing Any of the Above – Ever

Read Full Post »

Captain Cavedweller had a rare weekend off from work so we spent it driving all over the countryside, eating things we know we shouldn’t, moving some well loved “junk” to storage, and in general enjoying time well wasted.

Our weekend together also helped me remember a few important details about my husband.

The first jog in my memory occurred when he emerged from the bathroom the first morning of his weekend off sporting a goatee. He’s been sporting scruff on his face for a few weeks and from past experience, I’ve learned to not complain about it too much or too loudly because that just prolongs the suffering. The last thing I expected was to see his snappy goatee, which, by the way, I love.

CC is always game to go for a drive, as long as there is something interesting to see along the way. Apparently 207 miles of dirt, harvested wheat fields, rocks, more dirt, winding mountain roads with no guardrail, and one deceased porcupine did not qualify as interesting.

Also, after spending the better part of a day driving 207 miles round trip to the middle of nowhere so I can take photos of a town that no longer exists, CC just wants to be fed (and gas station food does not count.)

While he seems to have challenges remembering details like the wedding we are supposed to attend, the name of my cousin’s new baby, or what time we need to leave for an appointment, he recalled with startling detail the exact location of a new restaurant he was most interested in trying after I mentioned weeks ago it was opening.

When CC decides he is completely and totally done with a project (like moving well-loved junk), it means he is completely and totally done right now.  Not five minutes from now, not “wait, let’s just…”  – all done. Right. Now. Which turned out to be a good thing, because I was ready to be all done, too.

She Who Is Now Remembering Many Details…

 

Read Full Post »

Dear Neighbor with the Herd of Cats,

I feel it only fair to write and give you ample warning you are in danger of losing one of your multitude of felines.

You see, it has not gone unnoticed that one of your cats recently increased the number of your herd.

The reason we know this is because one of the new additions has taken to wandering into our yard.

baby kittyHow are we supposed to ignore, let alone resist, this sweet little ball of friendly fur?

Even the non-cat person at our house has taken to cuddling this precious little pookie face, patting it on the head and calling it George – okay, Baby Kitty – but you get the idea.

The Heinous Cat has also been on his best behavior around the adorable baby. He even  let it get within sniffing distance without knocking it into next Tuesday.

Please, if you don’t want this fuzzy, wonderful little kitten to find a new home, I’m begging you to keep it home.

Otherwise, we can’t be held responsible for it taking up permanent residence at our house.

Sincerely,

Captain Cavedweller and She Who is Completely Loopy over Baby Kitty

Read Full Post »

scratch-and-sniff

The other day I received a catalog in the mail.

Nothing unusual about that. Just ask Captain Cavedweller. He could tell you how I clog up the mail box with my junk mail taking up room for his important stuff like Cabela’s sales flyers and hunting magazines.

Anyhoo, I was flipping through the catalog and came across a page with a dotted circle next to the words Rub & Smell. So I did. That turned out to be a very good decision. The catalog is full of beautiful candles and you could get an idea of the fragrance simply by browsing through their lovely, glossy, scented pages.

As I rubbed and smelled my way through the catalog, it reminded me of my grade schools days when the teachers would put Scratch ‘N Sniff stickers on our work if we did a good job. There were the ever popular lemon stickers.

scratchandsniff

I also remember these. The grape one was good and the popcorn one was okay but I always thought the other two smelled weird.

Despite the smells, they were really fun to get on your homework.

Evidently, in the grown up world, though, we’ve evolved from scratching and sniffing to rubbing and smelling. I guess that does sound a little more dignified.

Regardless of what you call it, it’s still pretty fun!

She Who Had Way to Much Fun Rubbing and Smelling Her Catalog

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: