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Posts Tagged ‘aging humor’

Epic Insult

Posted in Captain Cavedweller, Musings, tagged , , , , on November 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

 

Tuesday I blogged about a silly gift I put together for my friend’s 40th birthday.

What I didn’t share with you is the trauma I experienced buying the candles for her cake.

It never fails that I will find the one chatty checker at the store. Captain Cavedweller can get in line and no one will say a word to him other than “did you find what you were looking for” and “thanks, have a nice day.”

Me, in the time it takes for the checker to ring up and  bag my purchases, I can know how many kids they have, why their brother is in jail, the last time their car was serviced and how they like their bread toasted.

The day I was buying my BFF’s candles, I stood smiling at the checker who would not stop talking about her washer and dryer, her kids aptitude for creating dirty laundry and why she wished her neighbors would bring back something they borrowed.

Nodding my head, only half-listening, she asked me about some of the gifts I was buying for BFF. I told her my friend was turning 40 and I was putting together a gift for her.

Without missing a beat, she picked up the “40” candles, looked at them, looked at me and asked, “So, are these for your daughter?”

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped open. It is possible I even swallowed my gum.

I don’t know that I have ever been so insulted.

As in Epic Insult.

Sure I misheard what she asked, I couldn’t quite bring myself to have her repeat it. Apparently, from the time I got out of bed and ran to the store to the time I stood in her check-out line, I’d aged 20 years!

Finally able to speak, I shook my head. “No, they are for my friend.”

“Oh,” the checker said, then went on rambling about something else.

Fuming, I managed to contain my desire to slap some sense into the woman and thanked her as I piled bags in my cart and trudged out the door. I barely arrived home when Captain Cavedweller called to see how my day was going.

He got an ear-full about the checker which made him laugh so hard, I thought he might actually rupture something.

Since that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to tell several people at work who also thought it was hilarious.

I’m still living that whole thing down.

And I haven’t been back to the store since, either.

She Who Is Aging Rapidly

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Real Beauty

Posted in Family, Musings, tagged , , , on October 20, 2011| 1 Comment »


“You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.  But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul’s own doing.” 

~Marie Stopes

I read this quote and it really got me thinking about youthful beauty compared to that of later years.

I see beautiful older women who radiate loveliness from the inside out. I want to look like that when I’m 60. My Aunt Robbie is one of those who just gets more beautiful with age, and she is almost 80! I used to think beautiful old people just happened, like some magical transformation.  I now know better.

When I was 16, I thought I was homely, fat and about as far from beautiful as a girl could get. What I wouldn’t give now to look as I did at 16! That was before chicken pox scars, before too many recipes made with butter, before (gulp) middle age started settling in.

Why didn’t anyone tell me how traumatic it was going to be to hit 40? Things you take for granted and have become completely used to just being have suddenly turned on you overnight. Gravity has become an enemy, every single thing you eat shows up not only on your scale, but also in the tone and texture of your skin, and wrinkles… oh, I won’t even get started on wrinkles. Or gray hair.

And for goodness sakes, why didn’t someone warn me about the need to be slathered in lotion a couple times of day in an effort to fight off the awful effects of aging skin? If I put on anymore at bedtime, I might slide right off the sheets.

I’ve come to the conclusion that being outwardly beautiful in middle age or older is a lot of hard work. You can’t just coast along hoping things will go well. You’ve got to dig trenches, arm yourself for battle and charge headlong into the war! It isn’t a fight for the weary or faint-hearted.

It takes fortitude!

It takes strength!

It takes patience!

Which is why I might just go sit a while and think about my game plan while eating some chocolate truffles. Maybe I’ll work on ways to enhance that inward beauty while I’m at it.

She Who Is Not Loving Her Wrinkles Today

 

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