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Posts Tagged ‘Humor Blog’

wheat lr

Last week, Captain Cavedweller and I took some time off and escaped to a big city where I can shop to my heart’s content and he can eat things like fall-off-the bone delicious ribs and the best french fries known to man.

Driving to our destination, we enjoyed the scenery and I may have asked (okay, more like yelled “stop the car!”) to pull over a few times to snap photos.

This is one of a beautiful wheat field set against the gorgeous summer sky.

I’ll be sharing more vacation photos and stories this week, just as soon as I get my head back on straight and our laundry done!

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Today, apparently, is going to be one of those days.

It started out with me oversleeping.

Despite my frenzied efforts to put some hustle in it, Captain Cavedweller was standing at the door doing his best not to remind me we were already late leaving the house as I was hopping around trying to put on my second shoe, grab my purse and find the car keys.

We got in the car only to have the gas light come on. Guess who drove it home last night on empty? (And it wasn’t CC.)

And just because it was off to a great morning, I, of course, choose the longest possible route to the gas station.

By the time the attendant filled our nearly empty gas tank and we got back on the road, CC was anxiously watching the clock. He has never, in all the years I’ve known him, been late for work. Ever. Not even close.

If I didn’t get a move-on, it was possible today would be the day.

Pulling into the parking lot at my office (across the street from his), I started to grab one of three heavy boxes in the back seat I need to mail today. (The post office is across the street so it’s easier to take them to my office then go to the post office when it opens than trek out to the car and have to lug them to the post office – at least in my mind.)

“What are you doing?” he asked, practically jogging in place, eager to hurry me along.

“I need to mail these today,” I said, trying to stack a second box on top of the first.

With a long-suffering sigh, he grabbed the second and third boxes and managed to restrain himself from giving me a nudge forward.

Wisely, I managed to keep my mouth shut and trot after him, or as fast as I can trot in my heels.

As luck would have it, I couldn’t find the key to access the employee door. He continued to glance nervously at his watch while I fumbled in my purse. Finally, I found the key and he escorted me to the elevator, dumped the boxes and ran out the door. According to my watch, he should have made it with a few seconds to spare.

I am often reminded I am married to a good man. One who loves me despite all my faults and annoyances. Especially on days like today.

And days like today, thank goodness, don’t happen too often.

Today also happens to be my sister’s birthday. She would have been 57 today.  One of her greatest pleasures in life was watching Elvis Presley movies.

So because it is one of those days, and because it’s her birthday, here’s a little Elvis…

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Blech!

yogurt

I’m not a big fan of  yogurt. I eat it because I know it’s good for me, not because of any particular fondness.

Which is why I’ve put off trying Greek Yogurt.

It seems everyone and their dog has been singing the praises of the packed-with-goodness stuff.

The other day I finally caved and bought two different brands to try.

Two completely different brands and two different flavors.

Yesterday, I decided to have one for breakfast.

Opening the lid, I gazed down at the thick creaminess and thought it looked pretty tasty.

Dipping in my spoon, I took a bite and fought back the urge to gag.

Blech!

With little flavor, a hint of sour, and texture that was similar to sour cream, I decided maybe I needed to stir it.

So I did.

And it tasted the same.

Terrible, awful, horrid!

Tossing it, I decided to try the second carton I purchased.

Opening the lid, I stirred it vigorously, then took a bite.

It was just as bad, if not worse than the first one.

I like sour cream, way more than I should, in fact. But I don’t want to eat it with a spoon and I really don’t want to eat it for breakfast. And I’m pretty sure sour cream has more flavor and a better texture.

Mentioning my experience to some of my yogurt-eating coworkers, I was informed you have to get Greek yogurt with strong fruity flavors (not the vanilla or coconut I tried) or it’s absolutely awful. Good to know – after the fact.

Why did no one mention this in all their rave reviews?

As a matter of fact, I came across a review of the top 10 Greek yogurts yesterday.

You know what? One of the nasty flavors I attempted to eat was in the top 10 list with a comment that said, “you can easily substitute this for a scoop of your favorite ice cream after dinner.”

Are these people mad?

Completely insane?

Lacking taste buds?

There is no way (NO WAY) the yogurt I tasted would ever, and I mean ever, be a substitute for ice cream.

Ever.

She Who is All Done with Greek Yogurt

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nailpolish

Flipping through my latest issue of Family Circle, I came across this page and stared at it for a few thoughtful moments.

The colors here are exactly the colors that make me think of Easter and spring – and Kat, my best friend during college.

One beautiful spring day our senior year, I put together an outfit that I thought screamed spring and headed off to classes.  My robin’s egg blue pencil skirt, pale pink top and cream sweater with little pink, lavender and blue flowers was cheery and girly and perfect for the season. Or so I thought.

Meeting up in the student union for a quick lunch, Kat took one look at me and shook her head. “You look like you were mauled by an Easter Parade. What are you doing?”

Needless to say, I never wore that particular wardrobe combination again.

But the colors still speak to me of springtime, of Easter baskets and dyed eggs, little chicks and pretty flowers.

She Who Loves the Colors of Spring Even if She Doesn’t Wear Them All at Once Anymore

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About a year and a half ago, Captain Cavedweller and I started talking about getting a new vehicle.

We knew my old red pickup (purchased brand new in 1992) was in dire need of retirement, although it still ran well and served its purpose of being a second vehicle.

Bracing ourselves for the experience of car shopping, we put that on hold when we found out we had to have our entire septic system replaced. Seven months later, we’d spent roughly the same amount if not more on the septic system than we would have on a new vehicle. Watching them bury all the septic equipment was like watching our dreams for a new car being buried in the wasteland that has become our backyard.

crash 1

Then just a month after the septic drama ended, our poor Red Pickup met an untimely death at the hands of a texting teen driving a tractor.

We limped along short one vehicle for a few months trying to decide if we wanted to buy a brand new vehicle and retire my car to second vehicle status or if we wanted to buy something used to replace the red pickup.

When my folks moved to town from the farm just before Christmas, it just so happened Dad decided he had one too many vehicles and wanted to sell his pickup. We jumped at the opportunity to buy it as a replacement for old red (and actually, it turned out to be quite a nice upgrade!).

Then, as my car rolled over 130,000 miles a few weeks ago, we decided we really needed (okay – wanted) to get a new vehicle.

Mentally prepared to deal with car salesmen, we visited a variety of lots, checking out a number of vehicles. Most could quickly be eliminated as soon as CC sat in the driver’s seat. If his head brushed the roof, his shoulders didn’t fit in the seat or the steering column bumped his knees – it was off the list.

Finally, we narrowed it down to a handful we wanted to test drive. Two of the car salesmen made fun of us for not having smart phones (not a great way to make me want to spend thousands of dollars with you, by the way).  One car salesman seemed terrified of CC and would only talk to me (again, not good for gaining our business) while another talked to CC like I wasn’t there. There were also the annoying salesmen who lied to us, stalked us on the phone and the final straw that broke the camel’s back was the one who was so rude, I would never, ever do business with him.

By this time, we had decided what vehicle we wanted, just not where to get it. I went online and did my research which resulted in finding exactly the model we wanted just four hours drive away – at a price none of the other dealers could match.

So we made the drive, worked with a salesman who was both courteous and professional (can you believe it?) and had a great experience trading in my car to bring home our new Jeep Compass.

jeep

Since we had to drive home through a snow storm, we got to test out a lot of the great features on the rig, although I have to admit my favorite were the seat warmers!

She Who is Loving the New Jeep

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1. While on vacation, we went to a museum that showed how whale boning (which is actually baleen from a Baleen whale’s teeth) was used to provide the rigid structure in a corset. Between the front boning and the back lacing, a corset looked exactly like some old-fashioned, and quite often elegant, torture device for women.

2. I am so lucky to have been born long, long after corsets were commonly worn. This girl would not have done well laced into that contraption.

3. Car salesmen, no matter what city you are in, seem to share a lot in common.

4. When left with few options, lunch at Costco can be a tasty and popular choice.

5. Leaving doors open to your vacation rental on a warm afternoon is, apparently, an open invitation for wildlife to waltz right in.

6. Skylights in said vacation rental are the perfect place for uninvited birds to try to escape back outside.

7. Smart vacation rental owners leave ladders available for stupid renters who inadvertently let birds in the rental and have to retrieve them from 18-foot tall skylights.

8. Pie can be a great breakfast food.

9. The super-sized marshmallows burn just as fast as the regular sized marshmallows. Only the insides take longer to become molten under the charred outer crust.

10. I would not have made it as an adventurer with Lewis & Clark. Nope. Not at all.

She Who Is a Homebody

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Yesterday was my birthday.

According to Captain Cavedweller I’m somewhere between “over the hill and not quite as old as dirt.”

Whatever…

Between email messages, facebook posts, cards, calls and gifts  – you all made me feel very loved! Thank you!

Despite his teasing about my age, CC did do a great job making me feel special.

First he sent me these at work:

Then when I got home, he gave me several gifts.

He knows I have a thing for antique dishes and roses. The  combination of the two is nearly lethal to my system:

Aren’t these gorgeous!

And this…

I think part of my heart is still melted in a puddle on the living room carpet.

I absolutely love this watch! The silver pattern on the band is barbed wire and then there are the stars around the watch face. Love!

Thanks to all who made my birthday so wonderful and amazing. You are so appreciated!

She Who Feels Very, Very Blessed

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