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Posts Tagged ‘Blog humor’

Scratch and Sniff

Posted in Captain Cavedweller, Entertaining at Home, Musings, tagged , , , , on January 24, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

scratch-and-sniff

The other day I received a catalog in the mail.

Nothing unusual about that. Just ask Captain Cavedweller. He could tell you how I clog up the mail box with my junk mail taking up room for his important stuff like Cabela’s sales flyers and hunting magazines.

Anyhoo, I was flipping through the catalog and came across a page with a dotted circle next to the words Rub & Smell. So I did. That turned out to be a very good decision. The catalog is full of beautiful candles and you could get an idea of the fragrance simply by browsing through their lovely, glossy, scented pages.

As I rubbed and smelled my way through the catalog, it reminded me of my grade schools days when the teachers would put Scratch ‘N Sniff stickers on our work if we did a good job. There were the ever popular lemon stickers.

scratchandsniff

I also remember these. The grape one was good and the popcorn one was okay but I always thought the other two smelled weird.

Despite the smells, they were really fun to get on your homework.

Evidently, in the grown up world, though, we’ve evolved from scratching and sniffing to rubbing and smelling. I guess that does sound a little more dignified.

Regardless of what you call it, it’s still pretty fun!

She Who Had Way to Much Fun Rubbing and Smelling Her Catalog

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Frozen Felines

Posted in Captain Cavedweller, Entertaining at Home, Musings, Pets, tagged , , , , on November 29, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

The weather in our neck of the woods is miserable – cold, drizzly, freezing rain, fog.

It has caused the fuzzy little felines at our house to act even more abnormal than usual.

Miss Maizy (see photo above) comes charging out to the front yard as soon as she hears our car pull in the driveway. She barricades the front door, refusing to let us in, and loudly lets it be known that she is

1. starving to death

2. freezing to death

3. annoyed that we have let the above situations occur

Drooley, aka The Heinous Cat, does not voice his displeasure with us. He is much more subtle with his complaints.

It starts with a cold, steely glare in the kitchen window. If we ignore that, he moves to the patio door where he sits staring at us with narrowed eyes and twitching what remains of his left ear. He will then curl up in a sad little ball and pretend he is going to freeze to the door mat. At this point, Captain Cavedweller will take pity on him and open the door to pet him. Seeing an opportunity to escape into warmth, the cat will race on and plop himself down on the rug by CC’s chair. Flopping onto his side, he waits for the head and tummy rub that is sure to come.

CC is so easily manipulated by the felines. And they know it.

They have to work a little harder to get me to do their bidding. Although Maizy knows if she sits in the kitchen window and looks at me with big, sad, eyes it won’t take long for her to get what she wants.

Maybe I need to take a few lessons from the cats to use on CC…

She Who Has Crazy Cats

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Epic Insult

Posted in Captain Cavedweller, Musings, tagged , , , , on November 15, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

 

Tuesday I blogged about a silly gift I put together for my friend’s 40th birthday.

What I didn’t share with you is the trauma I experienced buying the candles for her cake.

It never fails that I will find the one chatty checker at the store. Captain Cavedweller can get in line and no one will say a word to him other than “did you find what you were looking for” and “thanks, have a nice day.”

Me, in the time it takes for the checker to ring up and  bag my purchases, I can know how many kids they have, why their brother is in jail, the last time their car was serviced and how they like their bread toasted.

The day I was buying my BFF’s candles, I stood smiling at the checker who would not stop talking about her washer and dryer, her kids aptitude for creating dirty laundry and why she wished her neighbors would bring back something they borrowed.

Nodding my head, only half-listening, she asked me about some of the gifts I was buying for BFF. I told her my friend was turning 40 and I was putting together a gift for her.

Without missing a beat, she picked up the “40″ candles, looked at them, looked at me and asked, “So, are these for your daughter?”

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped open. It is possible I even swallowed my gum.

I don’t know that I have ever been so insulted.

As in Epic Insult.

Sure I misheard what she asked, I couldn’t quite bring myself to have her repeat it. Apparently, from the time I got out of bed and ran to the store to the time I stood in her check-out line, I’d aged 20 years!

Finally able to speak, I shook my head. “No, they are for my friend.”

“Oh,” the checker said, then went on rambling about something else.

Fuming, I managed to contain my desire to slap some sense into the woman and thanked her as I piled bags in my cart and trudged out the door. I barely arrived home when Captain Cavedweller called to see how my day was going.

He got an ear-full about the checker which made him laugh so hard, I thought he might actually rupture something.

Since that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to tell several people at work who also thought it was hilarious.

I’m still living that whole thing down.

And I haven’t been back to the store since, either.

She Who Is Aging Rapidly

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A Monday List

Posted in Captain Cavedweller, Musings, tagged , , on November 12, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

See that cute little girl sneezing with a pile of tissues. If you took out the cute and little girl part and inserted annoyed, chocolate-eating, mid-aged freakazoid, the picture would look exactly like I did last week!

Captain Cavedweller and I went to a book signing the weekend before last. The morning we were ready to leave, I woke up sick. With a cold. No big deal.

Until I woke up really sick the morning of the book signing, five hours from home and on the schedule for an eight-hour event.

Being the great guy that he is, Captain Cavedweller washed his hands 49 times, ran across the street from the hotel to Wally-world and got me a box of tissues and a three month supply of cold medicine.

Doped up, we headed off to the book signing.

The day was somewhat of a blur for me – as is the trip home and most of last week.

But I did learn a few things:

1. When doped up on cold meds, you may be inclined to do things you would not normally do when all your mental faculties are functioning properly.

2. You really can smile until your cheeks hurt.

3. It is nearly impossible for someone prone to sneezing when they are sick to not sneeze.

4. There really is a huge difference in the softness of some tissues.

5. Apparently some illnesses can greatly alter your ability to taste.

6. Saltine crackers left opened in a drawer at the office for goodness only knows how long will taste like varnish when you are in the midst of a wicked cold.

7. The taste of varnished crackers will linger in your mouth for approximately two and a half days, until you burn your taste buds off with a cup of tea that is way too hot.

8. You can really hear yourself think when your ears are so plugged no outside sound will penetrate.

9. After you’ve lost the ability to think, taste and hear, it only stands to reason smell will be next to go.

10. There is nothing pretty about an annoyed, chocolate-eating, mid-aged freakazoid with a bad cold.

She Who is Glad to be On the Mend

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